I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
