Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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