Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
