why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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