two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
