you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
