My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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