...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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