He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
this is an emotional support booty call
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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