how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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