Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
