i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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