The maid of honor just puked.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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