I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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