A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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