So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
