look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
