i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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