i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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