i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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