I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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