If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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