dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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