to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
he high fived his dick after we had sex
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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