My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
