Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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