I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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