My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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