While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
