Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
