ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
