Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
