God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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