My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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