I showed him my bush... on skype.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
