uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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