that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The best revenge is premature balding
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
