Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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