I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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