I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
