Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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