Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
