In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
