I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
