Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
This is classic penis vs brain.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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