well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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