did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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