tell your sister to shave her snatch
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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