five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
