I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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