I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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