You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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