True but thats because hes a fetus.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
