I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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